The Power of Saying NO

No is such a little word, yet with such power in it - as we know from raising toddlers! It’s also word that is very elusive and difficult to say for many women.

 Especially if we have been raised to be compliant, helpful and thoughtful, to the point of disregarding our own needs.

Women have told me stories of so many situations in which they went against their own needs in order to please someone else. Simple things like overexerting themselves on a trip so their friend wouldn’t have to be alone or putting off going to the toilet at work because it was never the right time - only realising hours later that the need was unmet.

 When we don’t say no to someone else, we are essentially saying NO to ourselves and to our own needs.

No you can’t relieve yourself

You can’t take a breather

Or slow down

Or have more time or rest if you need to.

These are apparently minor examples yet very significant ones too. And of course little acorns grow into big trees. Many women find themselves unable to say no when it concerns working extra hours, or days, when asked for more than is reasonable or even possible. And of course many find themselves in situations where the energy has become intolerable and can be classed as bullying, harassment or overpowering behaviour.

Many women I work with have been in or are currently struggling with a toxic work environment. They are building up the courage and taking the practical steps to talk about it or to leave it. As far as I can see, toxic work environments are very common. Although we teach our children about respect, kindness, equality etc., many women are entering toxic, unsupportive disrespectful environments every day, whether on site or these days, online.

Creating the strength and strategy to support themselves and to overcome or leave this situation is a common focus for women in my practice. These women may have shown up looking to deal with physical, hormonal problems but when we work together holistically, these emotional themes come to light and are also worked on during our time together.

Holistic integrative care involves covering all bases. Sometimes relieving the physical problems brings emotional freedom but the reverse can also be true, when we resolve emotional pain, many physical issues may improve.

 Of course, we must also ask ourselves what’s to be gained by not saying no, If you are one of those women who seems to end up on every committee or group, constantly asking for support on behalf of others. What part of you chooses to put yourself in that situation and what might you be looking for? Control? Validation? Praise?

Often women tell me they are afraid of letting someone else down, or making someone else angry. Our minds find countless reasons to say yes. And love to justify it even while our bodies are clearly overloaded and struggling to continue going.

Even while we are asking, why this now? Why me? Why these symptoms again?

Yet when we listen to the body, the message could be very simple, just say NO - do it more often and with more conviction.

 Your body might say:

Pay attention to your own needs

Listen to your heart-voice

Know when to call it a day.

Just say NO.

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Some recommended reading:

Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom – Dr. Christiane Northrup

If Women Rose Rooted - Sharon Blackie

Untie the Strong Woman – Clarissa Pinkola Estés